Dirty Pillows
by Marla's Lost
Summary: There are many lengths a father will go to for a crying baby.  Jimmy is a good dad but sometimes even a great dad has to draw the line at Dirty Pillows...or does he?
1. Chapter 1

**Author Note: **_A dad will go to extreme measures to calm a crying baby_

**RH**

**Dirty Pillows**

It started with a snot bubble. A bright green mucous bubble that began at the base of his daughter's nose; it would expand and contract, depending on how hard she was crying. Jimmy sighed and gently wiped her wet slimy nose. He glanced at the clock through sleep deprived eyes only to find it was 2:45 a.m.

A knock on the door startled him but not before the door swung open and his mom was standing in the doorway with crossed arms over her ratty pink chenille bathrobe and bare toes on the linoleum.

"Jimmy…honey… she's been crying for _hours_. Your dad is starting to complain and you know what happens when he…"

Jimmy quickly stopped his mother's rant in its tracks. "Mom, she's cutting a new tooth! It hurts her!"

Virginia ran an impatient hand through her bouncy hair, "I know! I picked her up from daycare early! Jimmy, your father has a new client tomorrow and he needs his sleep. Give her some baby Tylenol and a frozen waffle."

Jimmy tried to wrap his head around the frozen waffle as his mom stomped off only to find Maw Maw slinking around the door jam. The old woman winked and pulled a silver flask from between her breasts. In her gravelly voice she whispered, "Whiskey…rub it on the gums…takes out the pain."

Maw Maw unscrewed the top of the flask and Jimmy smiled reaching for the miracle cure that would ease his daughter's pain. Maw Maw's eyes widened, "Uh uh! This is for me!" She stuck a wrinkled pinkie finger in the mouth of the flask and rubbed whiskey on her own gums and smacked her lips. "Your kid's been keeping me up all night!"

Jimmy closed his eyes as Hope wriggled in his arms and wailed even louder. He patted her back and got up to find the baby Tylenol. Couldn't someone help him with a teething baby? _Mom_?

RH

Hope was sitting in her high chair chewing happily on a frozen Eggo waffle while Virginia was scrambling eggs. She looked up as Jimmy yawned and sat on a kitchen chair next to his daughter. Virginia smirked, "Waffles…works every time. You need to listen to your ma once in a while."

Burt came out of the bedroom pulling a company tee shirt over his head. He grinned at his family, "This is the big day! Jimmy, I'd appreciate it if you could help me out with the pool. I want to make a good impression on the client."

Jimmy thought about the "almost date" he had with Sabrina – well that was BEFORE Wyatt called and invited her to spend the weekend. What else did a single dad have to look forward to? "Sure dad, who's the client."

Burt's chest expanded with pride. "It's the Barre house. You know that one they sold for 500 grand? It's got two pools and a Jacuzzi?"

Virginia put a plate of toast on the table, "Ooohhh, sounds fancy. What does the husband do?"

Burt's eyes widened – he was really hoping to skip over this part. "Uh…hmmm… Candace and her husband are divorcing. She's keeping the house."

Virginia looked impressed. "Nice." She tapped a yellow painted fingernail against her lips and had and "aha" moment. "I remember that place! It has five bathrooms….ask me; I've cleaned every damn one of them"

Hope looked up from her high chair and shouted, "Damn!" Jimmy looked embarrassed. "Hope, sweetie…we don't say swear words until you're 8 years old okay?"

Jimmy turned to his dad just as a spit covered waffle piece landed on his left cheek. The little girl started chortling.

"Thanks Hope." He muttered. "Dad, if you can get mom to watch her granddaughter…" he dared to glance at his mother, "I'd be glad to help you out."

Virginia rolled her eyes. "Of course I'll watch Hope…just not all day. Burt, you make sure Jimmy just does this one yard and then send him home."

Father and son looked at the blonde matriarch and both replied, "Yes ma'am."

Virginia leaned down to her grandchild and wiped some spittle from the tiny chin. "See Hope….that's how you talk to men."

RH

Jimmy was impressed at the size of the Barre family estate. He'd helped his dad do lawn work before, but those houses never had two pools and a humongous Jacuzzi! The bushes surrounding the fence had been sculpted into the shapes of zoo animals and Jimmy had to admit that someone more talented than Burt Chance crafted those hedges!

With the weed eater in one hand and the leaf blower in the other, Jimmy trudged along the star shaped stepping stones to the backyard. He could feel a bead of sweat trickling down between his shoulder blades – another hot day! Not exactly paying attention to where he was going, Jimmy tripped and landed face first into a pair of the largest breasts he had ever seen!

The weed eater clattered to the ground and the leaf blower landed with a clunk as Jimmy mumbled, "Oh God, I'm so sorry."

A pair of soft hands lifted his face by his cheeks. Long auburn hair and bright pink lips adorned the most beautiful face he'd ever laid eyes on.. Okay, well on an older woman- that was not his mom!

"It's okay honey, I should have warned you about that last step." She said in a sultry voice.

Jimmy fell back on his heels and looked at the white wraparound sunglasses and then he saw the hot pink bikini that barely covered the most perfect body he'd ever seen. On a woman that was NOT his mom! She could have been as old as Virginia Chance but she sure didn't look like her!

"Um….hi. I'm Jimmy." He held out his hand and she shook it while sitting up and turning to the side of the lounge chair. "Nice to meet you…Jimmy."

Jimmy cringed when he heard his dad driving the mower through the gate. "Yeah, uh…that's my dad. I'm helping him clean the pool."

Miss Auburn Hair smiled. "Oh, you're Burt's little boy." She gave him a look up and down and grinned. "But you're not so little are you _Jimmy_?"

Jimmy could feel his face turning red. How could he introduce himself as Jimmy? He should have gone with James or Jim – that sounded more mature.

"Jimmy!" his dad shouted over the road of the mower engine.. "Glad to see you met the client!" The pink bikini beauty stood up and Jimmy noticed her sparkling pink stilettos. He gulped. Sexy shoes!

"Burt!" she exclaimed. "I'm so glad you could come at such short notice." She turned to Jimmy. "I dropped my diamond tennis bracelet and I think it's down by the filter." She looked at Jimmy and added, "Could you swim down there and get it for me?"

Burt clapped his son on the back. "Sure he can. Jimmy's like a fish! Get down there boy and get that jewelry!"

Jimmy pulled his shirt over his head and kicked off his shoes. He gave his dad and "thanks a lot" glare and dove in the sparkling blue water.

_Weightless._

Jimmy moved his arms slowly through the slightly chlorinated water and drifted lazily down towards the filter. He could see the diamond bracelet sparkling and winking at him in the slanted sunlight. As he neared the bottom of the pool, he could see the clasp was hooked on the grate. The breath he was holding was nearly depleted so using his legs; he shot up through the depths for a fresh gulp of air.

_What was dad doing? Was he flirting? Was that a pink lipstick kiss on his face? _

Back down to the bottom of the pool, Jimmy grabbed the diamond bangle and yanked hard. Pieces of the gold clasp floated through the pool water around his face as he plunged sideways towards the shallow end of the pool

"I remember that movie!" Burt laughed. "I had to sneak into a matinee and pay the usher a couple of bucks but it was totally worth it. That was you?"

Miss Barre smiled. "Well, in my younger years. I started out as a stand-n an eventually a nice producer saw I had _assets_ that could be used in other ways." Burt's eyes went to her chest like a beacon. He swallowed hard. Those had to be the biggest water balloons he'd ever seen! _What would Virginia look like in a DD+ cup?_ Wait – don't go there!

He laughed uncomfortably and almost sighed with relief as his soaking wet partner climbed out of the pool with the jewelry. "Jimmy! Thank God! So glad…you found that bracelet."

He turned to Mrs. Barre. "If you'll excuse us we have some yard work to do." He dropped the wet diamonds into her palm.

Candace waved her fingers, "Hope you don't mind if I watch…I like to see what I'm paying for."

Jimmy felt, oddly enough, like a paid escort at that moment. Miss Auburn was going to watch him do yard work? She was going to see his wet shorts for sure!

As if she knew what he was thinking, Candace leaned forward. "So _little Jimmy_ is like an Oscar Mayer when dry…but like a Vienna sausage when wet?" She teased, but Jimmy couldn't understand.

_How was bologna and the little beanie weanies the same thing…._OH!

Walking backwards, Jimmy laughed awkwardly, "Yeah…ah…so I'm gonna get to work on those weeds by the fence." He waved and quickly grabbed his gear, nearly running in his haste to get away from his dad and the beautiful woman.

RH


	2. Chapter 2 Dinner Surprise

**Author Note: **_…no character was severely hurt in the writing of this chapter…I think…._

**RH**

**Chapter** **02 – **Dinner Surprise

RH

"Well, she sounds just lovely." Virginia exclaimed as she set the bowl of home friend potatoes in the center of the table. Hope was chewing furiously on a frozen bag of peas and banging her rubber tipped spoon. "Baby Tylenol." Virginia said knowingly as she glanced at her son.

"So did you get paid or what?" The first question a wife always asks.

Burt's chest puffed up a bit as he pulled his wallet from his back pocket. "Sure did." His Better Lawn Service tee shirt strained by his proud "four pack abs".

Virginia put a fist on her hip. "Okay…so how much?" She smiled.

Burt's exuberance was catching. He handed the check to his wife. She gasped loudly. "Oh honey! Now we can finally get that muffler fixed!"

Burt sort of lost his grin. "Or…we can go to…Splash Mountain!"

Jimmy smiled, "I've never been there but the commercials look great." Burt looked at his son, "Show her your check."

Jimmy gulped, "Uh…..I was thinking I could get Hope a little fire engine scooter."

Virginia snatched the check from her son's hand. "Or…we can fix the muffler and stock up on groceries at the super-center."

Jimmy looked at his daughter. "Hope. Say fire engine."

She happily blew a spit bubble and babbled, "Gin!"

Maw Maw walked into the kitchen, "Whose got my gin? Have you kids been raiding my liquor cabinet again?" The aged old woman sat down on the chair and took out her teeth. "This dinner better be good, that stuff you made me eat earlier got all stuck up under my dentures and I don't have any Polident."

She looked at Jimmy and pointed. "You. Wilbert…after dinner you go get me something to make my teeth stick and I'll forget all about the gin."

Burt smiled and bit into a forkful of green beans. _Muffler_? No way! The 30 foot drop into the Lazy Lagoon was WAY more exciting. How was he going to convince Virginia that they needed this? Summer was freaking hot and all that lawn work was tiring….

Burt stuck up his finger, "I forgot to tell you…Jimmy and I have to finish the front yard tomorrow but I invited Candace over for dinner tonight."

Maw Maw's radar went up. "Who? What's her name?"

Virginia smiled, "Barre. Maw Maw – remember that expensive house on the edge of town? The REALLY expensive one?"

Maw Maw's eyes narrowed. "Candace?" She cackled. "You invited Candy Barre to MY house? Don't you know _what_ she is?"

Jimmy slapped himself on the forehead. Candy. Barre. How could he have not put two and two together? She was a porn actress! Somewhere in his room, Marcus or Javier had left a girlie magazine. Young Miss Barre was the centerfold!

Burt coughed. "No, Maw Maw, she's an _actress_. Very well known. She was in that movie…uh…what was the name of it? He snapped his fingers and looked at his wife, "House on fire - dog like Lassie chained in the basement – kitchen maid rescues dog…"

Virginia got excited, "Canine Liberation?"

Burt shook his head, "Something like Smokey Dokey…."

Maw Maw pshaw'd the pair. "It was called Whispers of Smoke and yes your precious Miss Barre was in there. Probably the only legitimate movie she ever made."

Virginia frowned, "I liked that movie." She laughed, "Remember how I use to dress up in a French maid uniform…OH MY GOD! Burt…_SHE'S_ coming to our house for dinner?"

Jimmy grinned - an x-rated movie star at the kitchen table? Wait until he told the guys…maybe she would autograph the magazine. WAIT! What about Hope? Right on cue, the drooling mouth started to cry. The baby Tylenol had quit working right about then. Jimmy murmured his apologies and picked up his sobbing daughter and carried her to the bedroom.

"It's okay Hope; I got a teething ring and some chewy things for you. We'll get that mean old tooth to cut through the gum and you'll feel all better!" Jimmy promised.

Hope cried miserably, "Da!"

Jimmy's heart was breaking.

RH

Candy Barre was as voluptuous as a botoxed Barbie doll. She looked as out of place on the Chance family doorstep as a Mercedes Benz did in a Pic N Save parking lot. Still there was a refined elegance in the way she dressed to cover most of her popular _assets_ and her jewelry was expensive but it wasn't like she was boasting. She was just being Candace Barre.

Javier and Marcus rushed the door with the years old magazine. "Could I have an autograph?" The young men smiled charmingly.

Candy flashed a mouthful of brilliant white teeth and in that sultry voice replied, "Yes, but only if you are not planning on staying for dinner."

Javier looked at his friend who looked at Jimmy who shrugged. "Works for me!" Javier replied in his accented voice. Candace scribbled her name at the bottom of the page. "Nice to see you boys."

Burt heard his client's voice from the kitchen and quickly tugged on his shirt and smoothed his hair with a comb. Virginia gave him a scathing look. "You never comb your hair for me."

Burt smirked, "Yeah, and you never gave me a check that big before either!" The Chance adults entered the living room to find Jimmy carrying a large Dolce and Gabbana tote bag. Candace turned on her alligator stilettos and exclaimed happily, "I brought wine!"

Jimmy looked in the tote, "She also brought cheese and Toblerone's!"

Burt thought it was almost possible to fall in love twice! "My favorite candy!"

Candace smiled. "Oh, all men love the triangle shape and the length…I think it has something to do with the size of their…." She quickly held out her hand, "You're Virginia – I've heard a lot about you."

Virginia was startled. This movie queen knew about her? A lowly cleaning woman? Burt and Jimmy were playing swords with the Toblerone's while Virginia gestured towards the sofa. "Please sit while the children play."

Candy crossed her legs as Virginia mentally calculated how many bags of groceries she could have bought for the price of those silk stockings. "Candace…I have to admit that I wasn't really expecting anyone for dinner…." Virginia glanced back at her dueling men, "…so dinner isn't anything real…fancy."

Candy waved her hand, "Honey, I don't need fancy - just some good home cooking. I couldn't stand it if you brought out snails and tofu." Candy visibly shivered.

The game ended when Jimmy's chocolate bar broke in half. Burt held his Toberlone high in the air and made a crowd cheering noise with his mouth. Well, until he realized that he had an audience. "Er…I won? Jimmy, why don't you go check on Maw Maw and we can start dinner."

Candy stood up. "Is there a place where I can wash my hands?" Jimmy set his broken candy bar on the end table. "Yeah…the bathroom is right through that hallway…first door on your right."

Candy smiled. "Thanks, I'll be right back." As soon as Candace passed through the threshold of the hallway, Virginia peeked in the tote bag, "Holy Moses! This wine is older than Jimmy!" She hissed at Burt, "Go get the good glasses from Maw Maw's room."

Burt looked shocked. "I'm NOT going in there! Jimmy you go! Maw Maw thinks you're her dead husband."

Jimmy shook his head, "No way. Everything is all dusty – she might be awake!"

Virginia looked slightly disgusted. "Fine." She snapped. "I'll get them. You two better make sure the table looks pretty!"

Father and son looked at each other and mouthed, "Pretty?"

RH

Virginia managed to snag four semi-matched glass goblets and quickly hand washed them in the kitchen sink. This was a treat – the oldest wine she had ever drunk was five years old. This was…..ancient! How nice of the movie star to bring expensive cheese and chocolate!

Unexpectedly, Candy walked into the kitchen. "Can I help you with anything?" Virginia was so startled she almost dropped the chicken casserole dish on the floor and that was her best Pyrex dish too! She set the food on the table and smiled at her guest. "I got it but thanks!"

Candy smiled and sat down on one of the plastic covered chairs. "It would be my pleasure. I really miss the hominess of living with a family sometimes. Especially like this. Virginia, you have a wonderful home and this casserole smells delicious."

Virginia was taken aback – Candy wasn't anything like she expected. This surgically enhanced woman was sweet and pleasant and well except for that ugly auburn colored hair, they could almost be coffee friends!

Burt and Jimmy found the women gossiping while the food was getting cold. "Mooommm! You know I like the casserole when it's hot!"

"Jimmy, don't complain and Burt wash your hands." Burt set the bottle of vintage wine on the table. Candy smiled sweetly, "It's a Chateau Malesasse Bordeaux. My ex didn't realize that when he left me the house…he left me the wine cellar! You should come over and we can toast to Bernard's loss."

Burt was still trying to figure out what kind of dog a Bordeaux really was. His buddy Jack had a little Maltese puppy…maybe Malesasse Bordeaux was in the same dog family!

Jimmy was trying to get the cork out of the bottle with no success. He put the bottle between his knees and twisted the corkscrew to the right. He tugged and pulled. He tried to use his teeth.

Nothing worked.

Candy sat in her chair with a bemused expression on her perfect face. Little Jimmy Chance was trying so hard to be the adult and his youth contradicted his efforts. Burt rolled his eyes and took the bottle from his son. "Jimmy, let a real man take care of this.

Burt pressed the foil cutter against the edge of the cork and peeled away the foil. Next he put the tip of the "worm" near the center of the cork. The pink of his tongue was visible between his teeth while he tried to accomplish this task.

"So where's the hussy that likes to take her clothes off? I have some moves I can show her!" Maw Maw declared from the kitchen door. Jimmy and Burt looked up just in time to see the aged women dancing like a stripper against the door jam while unhooking her bra.

Suddenly, the cork exploded from the Bordeaux and flew across the room nailing Maw Maw in the center of the forehead. She went down like a boxer in the ring with Mike Tyson.

Burt looked at his wife and said, "Oops?"

RH


	3. Chapter 3 Crying Shame

**Author Note: **_The cure in is in sight – hold on Hope!_

RH

**Chapter 03** – Crying Shame

RH

Candace covered her mouth in shock while Burt and Jimmy exploded in a case of the giggles. Virginia tried to keep a straight face as she rushed to the floor where Maw Maw was trying to sit up yet keep her bra from falling off. "Where am I?" She looked at her granddaughter and asked, "Am I dancing at the USO again? Where's Bob?"

Candace dared to ask, "Bob Hope?"

Maw Maw looked over at the stranger, "Of course. I always save a special dance for Bob. He's so generous to take his show on the road for our boys in uniform." She looked down at her polyester slacks and white Maidenform bra, "Where's my uniform? Oh dear, I think my show comes on later!"

Virginia helped the old woman to her feet and smiled apologetically to their guest, "I think you're right Maw Maw…I'll make sure Bob calls you when it's your turn."

Maw Maw put a hand on the growing goose egg that was forming between her eyes. Burt tossed a bag of frozen corn to his wife who caught it easily and gently pressed the cold veggies against Maw Maw's forehead. "I think you may want to take an aspirin and lay down for a few minutes."

The older woman looked at Candace as if she knew her and opened her mouth to say something, but all that came out was, "A nap sounds good."

Burt breathed a sigh of relief when his wife and her grandmother disappeared from the kitchen. "Sorry Candy. Maw Maw has a bit of….old timer's disease and forgets where she is sometimes. Hell, she even forgets her family."

Candy poured some Bordeaux in a goblet and said nothing about the small chip in the glass. "It's fine Burt. My own grandmother had Alzheimer's – at least your Maw Maw has a loving family to take care of her."

Burt formed the words _Al's Heimer_ with his mouth but it still didn't make sense. _Oh well! "_Let's eat! Virginia would kill me if I didn't serve up while it was hot."

RH

The ancient wine quickly broke the ice. The adults relaxed and Jimmy experienced his first really pleasant taste of wine. Not like the cheap "whine" coolers from Barney's market. This was nice and he had a good buzz going on. As long as he didn't look at Candy's chest, the evening and conversation made him feel like a real adult for a change – it was great!

"….and then Paul Newman asks me to stop by his trailer…." Candy winked knowingly and Burt looked at his wife. "Paul Newman? Isn't that the spaghetti sauce guy?"

Virginia frowned, "No…I think he made the salad dressing we bought last week."

Candy rolled her eyes. "Darlings…Paul was an actor BEFORE he started selling food products. Haven't you ever seen the film _Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid?_"

All three Chance family members shook their heads in the negative. Candy sighed, "What about _Cool Hand Luke_?"

Again - No. She closed her eyes and thought of something more recent. "Okay…how about the Disney animated movie _Cars_?"

Jimmy got excited. "Doc! I remember some guy named Paul used his voice for Doc Hudson!" Burt snapped his fingers, "Yeah! I remember that! Although I have to confess…Lightning McQueen was my favorite."

Candy was relieved that the family finally got a grasp on who she was talking about. She was about to continue her story when a wailing baby cry stopped her in her tracks. She looked at Virginia. "I thought Jimmy was your only child – you have a baby?"

Virginia's eyes got big. "Me? A baby? No way! That's Jimmy's daughter." Jimmy nearly withered under the scrutiny of Candace's brilliant blue eyes. "Uh…guilty. Excuse me while I go get her."

RH

"Shhh…it's okay, daddy's here. Did you loose your chewy thing?" Hope was sitting up in her crib, her little pink cap falling off her head. She shook her head no and cried even harder. Tiny fingers were twisting her dollies head. Jimmy didn't know what to do. The waffles were gone, the Tylenol was out – how could he take a crying baby to the store when his dad's most important – and sexy client – was in the living room?

Jimmy picked up his little girl and bounced her against his shoulder which only caused her to wail louder. The decibel level of Hope's cry was almost as loud as the ambulance racing down the street. He paced the floor talking softly unaware of the green snot bubble that was sticking to his shirt. Hope's tears dampened his shoulder but he walked his daughter and suddenly stopped at the door.

"Little Jimmy. Shame on you!" Candace stood in the doorway with crossed arms. "You should have told me you have a child. Give me that baby."

Jimmy looked at the porn star and replied, "Uh…no?"

Candy gave him a withering glare and scooped the crying baby from his arms, wiped the tiny nose and laid Hope gently against her supple, supersized bosoms. "Men! Didn't your baby books tell you how to take care of a teething baby? Go get my makeup bag."

Hope looked at her father and pointed towards the door and said, "Go!" Candy smiled and smoothed the feather soft hair. "That's right sweetheart. Men are good for fetching things." She looked at Jimmy, "You're still here? Get that makeup bag!"

Virginia was washing plates as Jimmy walked in the kitchen. "Wow! You got her to stop crying fast! What did you do this time?"

Jimmy hung his head, "I let the movie star hold her." Burt's head shot up, "What? Ms Barre is holding my grand baby girl? Virginia – where's the Polaroid camera?"

Virginia threw her sponge in the sink. "You are NOT taking a picture of the Beauty and the Baby."

Burt looked a little put out. "Why not? It's for Hope's baby book." Burt looked over his shoulder at his son and whispered, "…and for _me_ to look at la-ter!"

Jimmy smiled as Virginia smacked her husband's arm. "You are a goof - a great big wonderful loveable goof." She gave Burt a hug. "But you are not looking at that picture later." She smirked at her son. "The Polaroid is in Maw Maw's room."

Jimmy really didn't want to venture into goose-egg Maw Maw's bedroom so he looked at the floor and found the expensive purse. His mom gasped. "Jimmy! What the hell are you doing? You never go into a woman's bag!"

"Mom, she told me to bring her makeup bag to the bedroom. I don't even know what a makeup bag looks like!"

Virginia smiled happily, "I would be SO glad to help you there my boy." She didn't want to tell anyone that her fingers had been itching to see what was in the designer handbag. The D &C "Miss Sicily" was tan and the gold tone fasteners shone warmly in the kitchen light. Gingerly, Virginia moved the leather top handle aside and lifted the front flap. She sighed at the smell of the leather and delighted in the faux leopard lining. The purse reeked of luxury. Jimmy coughed uncomfortably and she quickly reached in and pulled out a matching makeup bag.

"Here you go. Do not breathe on it." She cautioned.

RH

Hope's little eyes were wide with unshed tears. The pretty lady with the strange colored hair was dancing her around the room and humming a curious little melody. It was a happy tune and comforted the teething baby.

Jimmy was sort of disconcerted at the sexy dance Candy was doing while holding his daughter, but he definitely knew the "Wheels on the Bus" tune! He set the makeup bag in Candace's outstretched palm and sang, "….round and round….round and round…." Candy gave him that withering glance and the tune died in his throat.

He watched as she pulled a tube of lipstick or something out of her bag. _How did she know what she was doing without seeing?_ Candy squeezed the contents of the tube onto the tip of her finger and stuck it in Hope's mouth. Instantly, his daughter stopped crying and laid her check against those monstrously sized breasts.

Candy was massaging Hope's gums and murmuring something lyrically all the while continuing the dance. Pink drool spilled from his daughter's lips onto Candy's white flesh and the actress said, "Aha! We cut through the gum! That little toothy is not going to hurt this pretty little darling anymore!"

Maw Maw stood in the doorway. "If all it took was a pair of _dirty pillows_ to calm the child, I have a pair of 85 year old ones right here!"

Burt was mesmerized as the pinkish drool that ran into the soft cleavage. Virginia whacked her husband on the air. "What did you do that stopped her crying?"

Candy smiled and tossed the tube to Virginia. "Anbesol. My ex used to get canker sores and this stuff numbs the gums. Little Hope here just needed to cut that gum and tomorrow she'll be as happy as can be."

Jimmy was amazed. All Hope really needed was a big breasted jiggly woman to dance his daughter to sleep. No more crying. No more pain. Why DIDN'T the baby books say anything about that?

A bright flash lit up the room. Burt looked a bit embarrassed, "Er…sorry, it's for Hope's baby book. She can look back later and see that the famous Candace Barre helped her cut a tooth."

Virginia was skeptical about the reasons for the photo but allowed Burt to have his shining moment of glory.

Maw Maw however wasn't fooled. "Look at these." She said lifter her blouse to show the group her own set of 85 year old "dirty pillows." "Next time let the kid cry and I will comfort her."

Burt cringed at the thought. Candy laid the sleeping child in her crib and wiped up the drool with one of Jimmy's tee shirts that lay over the back of a chair. "Now that the baby's asleep, shall we finish dinner?"

Virginia liked this no-nonsense actress. "Yes we shall and may I say the Bordeaux is excellent?"

Burt looked at his son who only shrugged. Jimmy was wondering about this miracle cure called Anbesol! Still, Hope looked peaceful for the first time in days and in the end, isn't that what every dad wants?

Oh, and his own personal set of "dirty pillows"!

RH

**Three Months Later**

The wine cellar was cool. Burt expertly swirled the burgundy colored liquid around in his glass. Virginia admired the silky smoking jacket Burt wore as he sniffed and tasted the wine.

"Burt…I feel so rich!" Virginia confessed. "I didn't know wine could make me this relaxed. I think this is from the year I graduated Junior High!"

Candy swept into the room with a drooling sleeping Hope Chance perched on her chest. "That was a sharp tooth!" she exclaimed. A bandage was wrapped around the tip of her finger.

Burt laughed, "Candy, what do we owe you for the teething treatment?"

The older woman laughed, "One free mowing session and I'll call it even."

Jimmy ran down the cellar steps. "Dad! I finally found out who Paul Newman is!" Burt looked at his son, "He's the spaghetti sauce guy!"

"No," Virginia corrected, "He's the salad dressing guy!"

Jimmy shook his head, "No dad – remember that movie where that girl washed that dirty car in front of those chain gang guys?"

Burt snapped his fingers, "That was Handsome Luke Skywalker!"

Jimmy shook his head, "No – THAT was Paul Newman. There's a picture upstairs of Candy and Paul kissing."

Candace smiled – she was glad she had met this odd family with their little quirks and innocence. Baby Hope was a delightful girl who had cut two more teeth on a Barre finger. Jimmy was a sweet and caring father.

Maybe he'd be interested in dating her lovely niece Amber. Candy's sister's daughter had a pair of "dirty pillows' that could match Pamela Anderson's any day!

This actress wasn't done with this family.

Not by a long shot.

**The End.**


End file.
